|"I hope Hurricane Sandy helps you justify your normal Halloween routine of sitting on your ass eating stockpiles of candy."|
|"If the economy doesn't improve, we may need to commit real crimes this Mischief Night."|
|"This Halloween, may your Donald Trump wig look just as unrealistic as Donald Trump's"|
|"I'm looking for a costume that makes me look thin."|
|"You strike me as one of those people who hands out fruit on Halloween."|
|"Wondering if you know whether we're too cool to dress up for Halloween."|
|"The scariest part of Halloween is the people who work at Halloween stores."|
Happy Halloween! Hope that you get more treats than tricks.